Mothering With Balls

The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List

2008-03-03T21:03:00.000-08:00

This is copied from www.secular-homeschooling.com.

I couldn't have said any of this better myself.

The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List

By Deborah Markus, from Secular Homeschooling, Issue #1, Fall 2007

1 Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is — and it is — it's insulting to imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?

2 Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.

3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.

4 Don't assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.

5 If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a "reality" show, the above goes double.

6 Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You're probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you've ever heard. We all hate you, so please go away.

7 We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we're doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.

8 Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.

9 Stop assuming that if we're religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.

10 We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.

11 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn't have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don't need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child to school.

12 If my kid's only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he'd learn in school, please understand that you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.

13 Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in "homeschool," we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it's crowded and icky.

14 Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.

15 Stop asking, "But what about the Prom?" Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to school don't get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I'm one of them. I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.

16 Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.

17 Stop saying, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you're horrified. One of these days, I won't bother disagreeing with you any more.

18 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can't, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.

19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.

20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

21 Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she's homeschooled.

22 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.

23 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.

24 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't get because they don't go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.

25 Here's a thought: If you can't say something nice about homeschooling, shut up!

Contents © 2007-2008 Deborah Markus

How To Ruin Someone's Wedding (Part One)

2008-02-17T16:24:00.000-08:00

In 2004 I got married for the second time to my boyfriend of several years. We had planned a small but tasteful wedding that included our families and closest friends. You would think that this would have made things simple, and that it should have lessened the likelihood of it becoming a day I'd like to forget. But that was not the case.

We live in the South, which means that usually Momma and Daddy not only pay for nearly everything, but that they also make and influence most of the arrangements. Since we were 32 and 31, this was not necessary nor desired. I actually did not want a wedding, but hubs felt that he was "entitled" to one since he had not been married before. I'm one of those odd women who thinks that weddings are for foolish little girls who never grew up and let go of the fairy princess fantasies. Hubs also thought that his relatives were "entitled" to a wedding, which I thought was the dumbest thing I ever heard. I didn't give a crap what they thought, and if they wanted a wedding, they could go and plan one, pay for it, and leave me out of it.

But this was not to be the case. I was not going to get my wish of simply going to a judge, saying "I do" and signing on the dotted line. Even though we had a small wedding, we still spent several thousand dollars that I think could have been used elsewhere. Like a trip to Germany or something. Or some mutual funds.

So I told him that if he was forcing me to suffer through a wedding, he would pay for it, and it would be tasteful. No pre-recorded music and no cheese cube and chicken wing reception. I wanted a string quartet, and he wanted a stereo playing music. I told him he could find someone else to marry because I would leave him at the alter if I didn't get live music. And he not only laughed at my idea for hiring a harpist, but he told his friends who then called me and said they thought it was stupid. Dickheads. These are also people who think that keeping one's BMI under 30 is a waste of time.

So we hired a classical guitarist. I ordered one of his CDs, and he was amazing. If only he hadn't shown up almost an hour late for the ceremony, I wouldn't have been so pissed off at him. But our guests were impressed because they were accustomed to piano and organ church music or.....are you ready for this one?........taped music. Barf.

I actually started to become a little less antagonistic about the whole situation because I thought that making him happy might somehow make me happy. The man bought me a house for chrissakes. So I lost the shitty attitude and started to show a little faked excitement.

Unfortunately his family and mine started a cascade of events that started to make my life a small living hell. For one, they couldn't accept that all they needed to do was to show up. The fact that we didn't need them to pick out anything or to give advice was something they didn't handle well. They also hated that we weren't doing things in any sort of "traditional" way. We weren't getting married in a church (which pissed off my parents). And we weren't having tables of food with little sandwiches on trays and toothpaste-flavored mints in bowls. His mother didn't like that because it meant that her friends couldn't display some kind of dolls or silk flower arrangement that was "meaningful" to someone we didn't even know. She kept asking me how the tables would be decorated. I told her that I had already picked out centerpieces for them that were all the same because people would be sitting there to eat. She looked at me like I had taken a dump on myself.

You see, in the South, a seated dinner reception is a rare thing. Most of the time, at even the most formal weddings, food is served "buffet style," and people simply sit or stand around trying to hold a plate, glass, and fork. This was the last thing I wanted because I always thought it was tacky to make one's guests sit in a chair with a plate on their laps. I also didn't want any paper napkins (which are common) with our names printed on them.

But the real kicker was that, after almost 5 years of dating, hubs' mother had never met my children. She lived 1.5 hours away from us, but not once did this woman ever try to meet them, even after we got engaged. The night before the wedding (at the dinner) she tried to cover up for this fact when, in front of a room full of people, she saw the children for the first time. She told them she had seen them before, and of course they said, "No you haven't!" There were lots of stares and funny looks on the faces of the other people as if they were thinking, "You're just now meeting them the day before the wedding?" I have to admit that I got a sense of satisfaction from that.

This is the same woman who refused to meet me for the first two years that hubs and I were dating because I was divorced with children. I guess she forgot that she had also been a divorced mother herself. Even after she did meet me, she kept trying to get him to dump me, even after I thought she was getting on board with me being a part of his life. But of course, I never really trusted her. She acted like my best friend right after we met, and several months later when I saw her again, she tried to "outclass" me. She actually said, "Have you ever been around so many high-caliber people before?" And I told her that all my friends down at the Kentucky Fried Chicken owned high-caliber firearms, and did that count?

I have to stop for now, or I will need blood pressure medication.

Looks Like I'm Not the Only One Who Thinks This

2008-02-15T05:42:00.000-08:00

This article from the New York Times is a clear and ominous view of the pitiful state of brains of the average American. But being dumb isn't bad, is it? Shouldn't we "respect" everyone's opinion? Isn't that the common belief in this sad, dumbed down culture of ours?

Books
Dumb and Dumber: Are Americans Hostile to Knowledge?
By PATRICIA COHEN
Published: February 14, 2008
Susan Jacoby's new book bemoans the state of American culture. Not only are citizens ignorant about essential knowledge, she says, but they also don’t think it matters.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/14/books/14dumb.html?ex=1360731600&en=9b835f267a3ba9fa&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

My Take on the Environment

2008-02-12T12:21:00.000-08:00

I try to conserve when I can. I buy more than a few products that are considered to be "earth-friendly." But it's not because I have let one-square-per-wipe-Sheryl Crow or any other person try to scare me into believing that the world will end because the earth is supposedly one degree hotter than it was 100 years ago when people were shitting in outhouses.

I have chronic obstructive bronchitis that developed from asthma. My children also have asthma. Spraying Lemon Pledge in the same room as my eyeballs and nostrils will elicit an allergy and coughing attack that only ends by a trip to the emergency room. Bleach is another chemical that I don't handle well, so I avoid it when I can. I don't accuse people of being evil earth-haters if they buy it. In large amounts, the stuff is harmful, but in small amounts, it makes our water safe to drink (chlorine).

I prefer a more common sense approach to the issue of being "earth-friendly." And it is strictly for common sense reasons so that you are not a wasteful twat:

Don't use more than you need.
Don't buy another one when you can fix the one you have (if it's worth it).
And buying bottled water is about the dumbest thing that any intelligent person can do. I don't like the chlorine taste either, but I put a filter on my faucet to take care of that problem.
Combine your errands so that you don't use up as much fuel. It saves money, honey. Think of what you could do and the financial goals you could reach by doing this.
And quit freakin' going to Starbucks every goddamned day. The amount of time people sit in traffic waiting for the bulk of cars at the intersection of Starbucks and Loser Street makes people waste gas from idling. And what happened to people who know how to make coffee-flavored coffee that isn't over-roasted at home?

I could list several more things, and many of them also save money, and I find it interesting that people don't think of how they can conserve in a way that will help build a nest egg or donate to their favorite charity. Nope. It's all about suckling at the teat of the State that they think "cares" about what happens to them. The same political and economic system that wants them to think that they aren't capable of making changes themselves, and that money must be taken from them to institute policy.

The funny thing is that our consumption has increased in the desire to be "earth-friendly." It's definitely the right of a company to market their biodegradable or recycled products, but when people buy more to become pseudo-environmentalists, you can tell that they've turned into brainless robots that are slaves to popular opinion and fear-tactics. And the recycling process isn't exactly earth-friendly either.

And for those who need for something in life to "have meaning," reusing plastic bags and not flushing for just pee may give them that psychological boost they need to keep themselves off Zoloft, but it's not the moral high-road. Especially when they make fun of the religious nuts (yes, I admit that it's fun to do) and then in the same breath start bellyaching about how we all need to "do more" to keep ourselves from burning up. Doesn't this sound familiar? Do this, do that, think this, think that, or you're gonna BURN, BITCH!!! Oh, but we don't want to be thrown into the same group as the wretched religious kooks.

But when the need for Jesus has been replaced with the need (or demand) for everyone to reduce, reuse, and recycle, and to be afraid of what will happen if we don't--then it starts to sound like just another kind of religion has taken the place of the risen saviour.

It's not proselytizing. It's the environment. Right?

Science in the Era of Agenda

2008-02-12T12:16:00.000-08:00

Environmentalism: the new death cult?

http://commentisfree.guardian.co.uk/brendan_oneill/2007/07/environmentalism_the_new_death_cult.html

Political/Social Test

2008-02-12T11:06:00.000-08:00

You are a
Social Liberal
(63% permissive)

and an...
Economic Conservative
(86% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Capitalist (86e/63s)

Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

The Dumbing Down of Society

2008-02-04T20:46:00.000-08:00

The older I get, the less tolerant I get of ignorance, apathy, and just plain stupidity. I look around and see adults who can't speak in complete sentences and kids who follow in their footsteps, unable to comprehend complex thoughts. Well, not that those dumb adults are able to formulate complex thoughts, but many kids today have no ability to discern what information is accurate from what is completely useless. Ask a teenager the names of Britney's white trash kids, and he or she will tell you, but I'll wager that the same kid wouldn't be able to find Laos or Armenia on a globe for $100. But those of us who comment on this are called obnoxious or are told that our standards are "too high". Or that we have "too much time on our hands if we worry about this kind of stuff."

I remember a time not too many years ago when it was considered "normal" and expected to be well-rounded and well-read. There were certain books that everyone would have read in high school, and the college-educated would have had exposure to much more. But even the high school graduate would have been able to construct a simple essay and would have known how to make a simple noun plural instead of blindly adding an apostrophe. Actually a second-grader would have mastered the latter, but I find that adults who think they are intelligent can't even make a word such as "horse" plural without writing "horse's". And we wonder why our kids don't do well in school and why their scores on standardized tests aren't up to snuff. Well, when their own parents are functionally illiterate, what can we expect?

We live in a world where many spend more time defending their religious beliefs than they spend feeding their intellect. Ask any of your friends what the last book was that they read, and many of them will say that they haven't read anything since college (or worse, high school). The readers are the exception, not the rule. And of the readers, how many of them have read something from the nonfiction rack? Biographies? Economics? International Finance? Russian History? How many women read books about subjects besides "my husband is such a bastard, and I have an itchy twat and raging PMS"? I'm still looking to meet some in my area, but the wide net I've cast hasn't caught anything I haven't had to throw back. Life is too short to spend any significant amount of time around stupid people, I say. Well, unless you're showing them where the mop is.

I realize this makes me sound like an incredible ass, but I really hate to see what is happening to the heart and "soul" of society. After all, if people are letting Oprah influence their vote for President, then what hope do we have as a human race? When did we get to be so lazy and so dim-witted that we let a TV personality tell us what we "wanted" before we decided for ourselves? But I guess in a society where Dr. Phil (a narcissistic hack) gets credit for making profound and life-changing statements, then what can we expect? Blaming the media for this is a cop-out too. If we weren't so stupid, then it wouldn't influence us in this way. We could just shrug it off and not let it make a difference. But since we weren't using our brains to begin with, it was pretty easy for us to follow the path into celebrity influence, media-worship, and trend-following.

I sincerely believe that we are approaching a twenty-first century "middle ages". I'm not sure what it will take to bring us out of it, but I'm guessing it will get much worse before it gets better. The religious powers-that-be impede scientific progress, the masses are hopelessly stupid, and trade with Asia is a competitive sport for everyone. The only difference is that now we have no excuses for our weaknesses.

After all, it's not like we're bloodletting and shitting in chamberpots. But we might as well be.

Discrimination Against the Gifted

2008-02-01T12:26:00.001-08:00

My nine-year-old just took the STAR reading test last week. For any of you with tiny tots, that is the test that determines a kid's reading level. The first number is the grade level, and the second number is the month of the year. For example, a 4.5 would be fourth grade, fifth month. Well, my nine-year-old is in third grade. Her birthday is September 4, and she missed the cut-off for starting school by just an asshair.

So when she took the STAR test, I knew her score would be good since it always is. She consistently tests well above her grade-level. After all, this is a kid who was reading at 4.5 in the first grade. Well, she tested at 8.8 this time. The trouble is, her school is for second and third graders, and there are no books in the library for her. She has read almost all of them, and the books in which she has an interest are in the middle and high-school level. She can't take Accelerated Reader tests on them because the school computers don't have tests for those books loaded onto the computer system. When I asked the teacher about this, she told me that my daughter could do a book report and turn that in for credit. A book report is actually more work than taking a multiple-choice test to get points. She is able to do book reports, but it is hardly fair to make her do this. She likes reading for fun, but her AR goal is pretty high. So by the time she reads, say, Jurassic Park, and then writes a book report on it, she would not have met her goal for that week.

Her overall grade-level has been tested as 7.8. I haven't had her put into the gifted program since all they do is pull them out once a week and make them do little projects. Dumb, little, non-thinking projects arranged by a teacher who honestly looks and acts like Carly Simon after a botched round of bad plastic surgery. She is a paragon of bad teaching, and I can't believe she is still employed by this school system. Gifted education in Georgia is a real joke. Besides, my daughter is teased enough as it is for being "so smart". We actually provide her with enrichment at home since I had homeschooled her for a year and a half already.

So it is possible that she will finish this year, and we will homeschool over the summer and then petition the school board to allow her to skip a grade or two. There is a huge move to keep all kids "equal" so that no one gets offended. People do not like to acknowledge that some kids are simply smarter than others. There are children whose brains do not develop at the same level, and holding them back only makes them apathetic. When school administrators decide that the pursuit of excellence means making everyone the same, then the entire human race is in danger of suffering from stunted intelligence and stupidity.

Curried Chutney Spread

2008-02-01T12:16:00.001-08:00

This recipe can also be adapted to be vegan. Just substitute Tofutti brand "cream cheese" in place of the cream cheese requirement. You won't be able to tell a difference, and neither will anyone else.

Curried Chutney Spread

2 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
3/4 cup finely chopped pecans (I prefer to leave these out or to substitute almonds)
1/2 cup chutney (use the kind without HFCS)
1 1/4 teaspoons curry (mild)

Combine ingredients in a mixing bowl. Beat at medium speed of an electric mixer until blended.
Spoon mixture into a serving bowl. Garnish, if desired. Serve with gingersnaps, apple slices, or crackers. Yield: 2 1/2 cups.

Spicy White Bean Soup

2008-02-01T07:44:00.001-08:00

This one goes together so easily that it takes less than 30 minutes. It's perfect with cornbread, or if you can't bring yourself to make cornbread from scratch or from a mix, just grab some French bread to serve with this dish. No one will know the difference.

***For the record, this recipe was adapted from a Southern Living recipe.

Spicy White Bean Soup

1 large onion, chopped
2 tablespoons butter (or vegan margarine)
white wine or sherry, for deglazing
2 cans Great Northern beans, drained (rinsed if not organic)
2 cans yellow hominy, drained and rinsed
2 cans chili-style chopped tomatoes, undrained (you may have to check for peels and core pieces)
1 quart vegetable broth (this is where the Better than Bouillion comes in)
1 teaspoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin (or more if you prefer)
1/2 teaspoon ground red pepper (or hot Hungarian paprika)
1/4 teaspoon cloves
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro

Boil 1 quart of water to reconstitute vegetable broth. Pour into a large heat-proof container. Add 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon Better than Bouillion to water and mix. Set aside.
Add butter (or margarine) to a heated Dutch oven and allow to melt (medium-high heat). Add onion, stirring infrequently, allowing to cook and develop a nice fond. When onions brown a bit and are tender, add a few tablespoons of wine/sherry to pot and, using silicone spatula or flat-edged wooden spoon, scrape any fond from bottom of pot. This adds an incredible flavor that you don't want to miss. This is also the flavor foundation of many of my other dishes, even if the "recipe" doesn't call for it. Allow the wine to cook down a bit and to evaporate, just not enough that the onion really starts to sizzle loudly again.
Add beans and remaining ingredients. Bring to a boil, stirring occasionally. Reduce heat and simmer, uncovered, 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Yield: 3 quarts

Notes: This recipe can easily be doubled, as long as your Dutch oven is large enough. Hominy is widely available in the South, but it should be available elsewhere too. You may have to look on the bottom shelves or in areas you're not accustomed to looking. In a pinch, I guess you could substitute corn. After all, hominy is essentially corn anyway. It's just a funny version of it.

A Cheaper Way to Clean the Floor

2008-01-16T15:05:00.000-08:00

I have a love-hate relationship with my Swiffer WetJet. I love the convenience of it, but I hate the smell of the cleaner and the cost of the refill bottle and cleaning pads. And the fact that the cleaner isn't eco-friendly, and those pads are like wiping the floor with a giant maxipad. I think I'll use them the next time I give birth since I tend to bleed like a stuck pig when I drop a pup.

So I've come up with a bit of a compromise. I still use the giant Kotex from the Swiffer WetJet and pay dearly for them, but they are available on Amazon.com for fewer clams. You can also buy them in bulk. But what I now do with the cleaner is a bit different. Instead of trying to drill a hole in the cleaning bottle and using a funnel to fill it and art putty to stop it up, I just stole an idea from the Method O-Mop: the manual squirt and mop method. And why don't I use my O-Mop, you ask? Because I don't have the strength of a piano mover that's required to push that thing across the floor when it's wet. I felt like I had been kicked in the back and in the balls after I had mopped my floor with that thing.

I love the ginger floor cleaner Method sells, but once again, I hate paying for it when the cost of everything nowadays is so high. So I just take a generic clear squirt bottle (I had foolishly thrown away the Method one) that one would use for homemade sauces (with the pointy, screw-on cap) and fill it with diluted Ecover cleaner. Yet another way to make a bottle of eco-friendly, all-purpose, concentrated cleaner work for many uses while saving me a buttload of money.

You can also use Mrs. Meyers for this, but Ecover is cheaper. Method used to make their "floor cleaner" that was concentrated, but it's no longer available. It was perfect for diluting and using as an all-purpose cleaner.

So to recap on the ways a bottle of eco-friendly, concentrated cleaner can save some dough:

1. Dilute with water and add to spray bottle for use as an all-purpose cleaner.

2. Dilute with water and add to squirt bottle for use with Swiffer WetJet as convenient mopping system.

3. Use 1/4 to 1/2 capful as very effective toilet cleanser (along with brushing). Also smells good.

4. Use 1 to 1.5 capfuls per 1 gallon water as effective but gentle carwash or cleaner for painted wood, painted cabinetry, shelving, plastic, etc.

5. It should also be safe for finished wood, but test an inconspicuous area before using.

I'm hopeful that this will help you guys save a bit of money and to free up some space in your cabinets and closets.

Here's to frugality and to natural living!

Pick Your Own

2007-12-23T12:15:00.000-08:00

Here is a link for information on "pick your own" farms. You can look up your own state and find out where places are near you. Even if it's a bit of a drive, you can fill up the trunk or the back of the minivan if you like. This is one of those times where hiring a sitter would probably be wise, unless you have older kids. I have to make myself do the blanching and stuff that day or the next so it all doesn't go to waste.

I have some back problems and have had surgery, so some of these veggies can be a little tiring to pick. This is where a spouse/partner/friend would come in handy.

http://www.pickyourown.org/index.htm

There is such a feeling of satisfaction you get when you've gone to a farm and bought food or picked it yourself. Sometimes these places will have things picked for just a tad more per pound, but it can be worth it if you have health issues and can't get on your knees (at least without someone having bought dinner for you first ;-) )

Recipe For The Time, Budget, and Health Conscious

2007-12-23T11:38:00.000-08:00

I thought I would post a favorite recipe of ours that is great for weeknights when you don't feel like cooking a lot, and you don't want a ton of dishes to do. This can also be adapted to be veggie/vegan by simply substituting "Smart Ground" for the ground beef and vegetable broth for the meaty ones. You can actually fool meat-eaters by doing this.

This recipe will make enough for about 6-8 people, I think. You would have plenty of leftovers unless you halve it if cooking for a smaller family.

Black Bean Chili

Olive oil

1 large onion, chopped (yellow, red, white, whatever you prefer)

1 pound lean ground beef (Laura's or Maverick is good or any other "natural/organic" brand; or you may prefer ground turkey or chicken)

3-5 cloves fresh garlic, minced (more or less, depending on your preference)

4 cans black beans, drained and rinsed (if using organic, simply drain them)

2 quarts broth/stock, usually a mix of chicken and beef (Better than Bouillon reconstituted with water--I use an electric kettle to heat it quickly). Experiment with amounts; you may prefer thicker chili or soupier chili.

1 can tomato puree (you can use chopped stewed tomatoes if you prefer; I just don't care for them personally)

2 tablespoons chili powder

1 tablespoon cumin

1 tablespoon sweet paprika (I like Hungarian)

Kosher salt, to taste

Black pepper, freshly ground

Heat olive oil in dutch oven; add chopped onion and stir. When onions become a bit tender, add ground beef/substitute. Cook ground beef until no longer pink (substitute should merely be heated thoroughly). Add garlic and cook for only 30-60 seconds (it will burn quickly). You may wish to deglaze pot with a bit of wine or sherry, but otherwise add the broth/stock to the pot. Scrape the flavorful bits from the bottom of the pot (yum!).
Add remaining ingredients and allow to cook as long as your patience and appetite allow. Taste to make sure seasonings are acceptable.
This dish also is good served over rice, but should you not want to dirty up another pot, you can leave it out.
It's also good with cornbread. I have a recipe for it too (mine is considered to be "Yankee" cornbread, but my very Southern hubby likes it better than any other).
If you want to make this spicy, simply add about a teaspoon (more or less) of either cayenne pepper or hot Hungarian paprika.

Enjoy!

Saving a Little Bit of Money While Still Living a Natural and Organic Lifestyle

2007-12-19T06:48:00.000-08:00

It ain't easy being any shade of green. As I mentioned in my previous post, it's cheaper to feed your kids Fruit Loops and Fruit Roll Ups than anything healthful. It wasn't always that way. The "convenience" stuff used to be pricier. What's sad is that those of us who want better for our families are sometimes labelled "elitist" because we read not just food labels, but the actual ingredients list. I don't care about fat grams. I want to know about chemicals, additives, antibiotics, and strange sweeteners.

To eat the way most of us did growing up is hard to do. Finding simple ingredients and eating them in as close to their most natural state as possible requires trips to four stores sometimes. You can't buy the grapes from Kroger because they're from Mexico, which sprays 10 times the chemicals as the US. And of course the USDA, FDA, and Customs allow it. I guess as long as the stuff isn't glowing in the dark when it comes into the country and doesn't test positive for radiation or Anthrax, it's OK to them.

So what's a concerned parent who doesn't make a million a year to do? I do have a few hints, but it still will cost a lot. But just think of the money you will save years from now in medical care. Our overburdened medical system and Medicare/Medicaid systems are so full of people who are hugely obese and suffering from hypertension, diabetes, and other ailments because of how they eat. And those who know a little about nutrition are still caught in a catch-22. They want to buy the good food to lose weight, but it costs too much, so they buy what they can afford, thereby keeping themselves fat. Fresh fruit shouldn't cost more than processed, packaged fruit-flavored crap. Our country is eating itself to death.

So here are a few things I do.

1. I grow my own fresh herbs. It's very easy to do and is cheaper than buying them for $2 per pack in the supermarket. You can buy the plants or the seeds, but I prefer the plants. Just re-pot and stick them in the window sill. Parsley, thyme, basil, oregano, marjoram, rosemary, dill, etc. It's up to you to pick your favorites. They're easy to grow, and all they need is water really.

2. I look for sales, even when the stuff isn't on my list. Many times the natural and organic stuff doesn't go on sale as often. When it does, I grab extras. Organic milk lasts a long time because of the higher heating involved in pasteurization. I look for sales on meats and chicken and stick them in the freezer. Even when I just stop in for a prescription, I look to see if anything has been marked down. I also ask the butcher when things will be going on sale. They know me by name there.

3. Many natural brands may be bought online. The chicken we buy is a brand in Georgia. They have a flat shipping rate of $10. It is shipped in dry ice and is frozen. The beef we buy isn't available online, and I have emailed them requesting it. But it goes on sale frequently.

4. The health food stores will often order things for you and give a discount when they do. It's a good way of getting and keeping your business. Some of them also give coupons for items they sell. Many will mark down items around the holidays, so this would be a good time to stock up.

5. In our neighboring county, the county cooperative extension has a co-op of sorts of local farmers who allow the public to come and "pick your own" foods for a small price. It's not organic food, but they don't usually spray because these are simple, country people who have been farming for decades and would just let the bugs get the veggies before they would go and pay for a bunch of chemicals. They also have the experience to avoid many of the problems associated with farming and know what grows and how to rotate things on what beds and such.
There is a guide published on the county website that shows each farm, what they offer, and what dates it's usually available. And it's DIRT CHEAP to do this.

6. I learned a dying art two years ago. Blanching and freezing vegetables. Almost all the stuff we picked was blanched, packaged, and frozen. We had veggies for the entire winter.

7. I also learned how to make jam. It is so liberating to control what you put in it. And it's better than having to pay $3-$4 per jar to avoid HFCS. Plus, they make great gifts. And they last one year on the shelf unopened. The canning stuff can be found at the hardware store. It's just a big pot with rack, jar lifter, and funnel. You have to buy jars. The instructions are online about how to do everything. It is so worth it.

8. I buy "Better Than Bouillon" instead of boxed or canned broth. It tastes better, and it costs SO much less. They make beef, chicken, ham,and vegetable (it's vegan). When I need broth (and I use a lot) I just fill up my electric kettle with filtered water and heat it and make 2 quarts at a time ( I make lots of soups and stuff that usually require 1-2 quarts). Before this, I was spending $3 per quart!

9. I order my tea online from Republic of Tea. I get 250 teabags instead of the usual 50 in the can. Plus it saves packaging. We're HUGE tea drinkers here. And our teabags are compostable.

10. It's rare that I buy coffee anywhere. I think Starbucks burns their coffee. I'm a fan of Peet's, and it costs $16/pound. So that's my indulgence. But it's cheaper to make it at home than to buy it anywhere.

11. We rarely eat at restaurants. Even with our food bill so high, if the 5 of us went out to eat, it would cost $70 at a low to mid-priced place, not including tip.

12. I don't buy regular juice. I only buy the frozen kind. There aren't as many varieties, but we're not big juice drinkers anyway.

13. I don't buy grated cheeses, baking mixes, frozen meals, or packaged cookies and crackers.

14. I mix dry ingredients for waffles and pancakes in plastic bags so that the wet ingredients need to be added. I always use white and whole wheat flour with wheat bran and milled flax. This is cheaper than even buying "Instabake" from Hodgson Mill. That Bisquick stuff is lethal.

15. I make my own muffins. And I pre-mix the dry ingredients into bags so that it is more convenient. Again, they have whole wheat flour added with wheat bran and flax. Now this stuff does taste good and not like a chipped up wicker chair.

16. I make bread in the bread machine. Just throw it all in there and forget about it. Plus, you can make stuff for people as gifts. Great, inexpensive, thoughtful gifts for neighbors around the holidays.

17. I buy a bottle of concentrated all-purpose cleaner from either Ecover or Mrs. Meyers and dilute it and put it into a spray bottle for all-purpose cleaning. It sure beats paying $3-$5 bucks for each bottle of spray cleaner.

18. Ecover will send you coupons if you go to their website and request them (I think). So will 7th Generation. Plus, if you order from Amazon.com, 7th generation stuff is sold in bulk and gets free shipping. I use Method laundry detergent, which costs about the same as Tide. Their dryer sheets are the only ones that don't use beef tallow (info for any of you who like to avoid animal products).

19. I started using the cheap pack of washcloths for light cleaning rather than so many paper towels. I realized one day that I had used an entire roll of paper towels IN ONE DAY. So I have these cloths that I use a few times for wiping up (not so much that I recontaminate the surface) and then it just goes in the wash. Small enough not to add another wash load, but big enough to fold over and use again to wipe another surface. We were buying the 8 or 12 pack of paper towels a week. Ridiculous!

20. I don't buy bottled water, except for seltzer water for making "juice fizzies". I do use wine for cooking, but a little goes a long way, and I never pay more than $7 for a bottle.

This is all I can think of now. If anyone else has any tips, please share them. I could use some help myself.

You Have To Be A Millionaire To Buy Food These Days!

2007-12-17T12:52:00.000-08:00

I read somewhere that grocery prices have increased a gazillion billion percent in the last 3 years. I see it everytime I go to the store for a few things and the bill is incredibly high. What pisses me off so much is that we buy foods that are healthful. It is actually cheaper nowadays per calorie to buy junk.

Fruits and vegetables are worth their weight in gold. I buy 6 apples, and it costs $6 bucks! There is something really wrong with that. A bag of 6 small lemons is $4. Forget about buying a bag of red grapes. They're $3/pound. A five-pound bag of potatoes is $4. Didn't those used to be as cheap as the dirt they were grown in?

We are lucky enough to get domestically grown produce here and lucky enough that produce must be labelled with country of origin information. I can't say the same thing for meats and seafood. So I have to buy certain brands that don't import from a certain country I won't mention whose standards are so appalling that I'm surprised Americans are still alive.

I have tried unsuccessfully to reduce our grocery bill. I think we spend about $800 per month for a family of 5. Now that's 2 adults and 3 children aged 9, 11, and 13 who seem to be growing like weeds. I buy no convenience foods at all. If I buy soda, it's the store brand, and it's not often. And, of course, it's diet. I buy frozen concentrate juices and dilute them with seltzer water to make an Izze-type beverage. I also make most of our meals from scratch. I even make our bread in the bread machine. It's impossible to find white bread that doesn't contain HFCS. I also go meatless a lot of times. But I don't know what costs more these days, meat or veggies since produce prices have gotten so out of hand.

Now it's not that my food choices are what's known around here as "highfalutin". I do buy organic cow's milk, but 1/2 gallon lasts me 2 weeks. I buy either natural or organic eggs, but the regular ones are only $.20 to $.80 less. I use olive oil and unsalted butter, but I stock up on it when it's on sale. The taste of margarine is just repulsive to me. I usually make ice cream myself since premium high-quality ice cream costs quite a bit when buying it for 5 people. The cheaper stuff is just awful. I'd just rather do without honestly, unless I make it myself.

I guess what bothers me most about the whole food-money-saving situation is the websites that claim to offer advice on how to save people money on food and other retail items. They don't take into account that maybe some people don't want to buy chemically-altered, genetically modified, processed food. And maybe we don't want our kids eating yogurt that is full of high fructose corn syrup and red dye #40. What about those of us who don't want our dinner to be full of antibiotics? Conventional chicken and pork are full of ciprofloxacin. Mmmmm. Sure tastes good! And these brands of chicken that claim to be "hormone free" need to be slapped. They aren't even allowed to use hormones, so putting that label on there means absolutely NOTHING. I'm not naming names, but the worst offender's name rhymes with sPurdue.

So onto household products. Maybe we would like to buy cleaning products that are biodegradable and don't exacerbate asthma symptoms. Or how about soy candles that don't fill our houses (and lungs) with soot? Or maybe we don't want to contribute to the amount of chemicals our kids will be exposed to. But nooooooo. What we would end up getting is the mainstream Lemon Pledge, Fruit Roll-up, Sara Lee, Fruit Loops savings and coupons instead. Which really translates into a dry cornholing at the checkout.

Maybe I'll start my own forum of how to really save money when you're health conscious and you don't feed your kids Trix yogurt and Lucky Charms. And how getting coupons for Suave shampoo doesn't help because it makes your scalp itch.

Where's the real information people can actually use? Why do you have to have a full-time job in coupon-clipping and have to feed your family junk to be able to save money on food?

For anyone who's interested, I'll post some of the things I have done to save money. But honestly, with the price of healthful food continuing to climb, people will start to see their food bill become almost as high as their mortgage payment.

My Children Are Strange

2007-12-17T07:57:00.000-08:00

Phrases uttered today:

"Don't bite the cat"!

"Don't put fake eyelashes on the cat"!

These were said to my 11-year old. She wanted to carry him around by his neck as if she were his mother. What a weirdo! This is also the same kid who came up with the very unusual name of "whale's mouth" for her girly part. As I mentioned in another blogger's comments, she'll either end up doing something profound, or she'll be doing coke and dancing on tables when she's 18.

What in the world have I created?

50 Things About Me

2007-11-29T10:54:00.000-08:00

Yes, Yes, Yes, I Love to talk about myself. Well, not actually, but don't you want to know a little more about the person whose opinions you read so much of? Besides, if you read what I think about life and parenting issues, shouldn't you know whether I pick at my feet while I think of what to type?
I don't...no, I really do....no, I really don't. But I am fascinated with the sheer amount of dry skin on my heels. I swear, I could re-roof my house with it.

So a little bit of drivel about me:

1. I love to read.
2. I own boxes and shelves of books that I don't have room for in my house. I'll either read something very quickly and over and over again, or I'll buy it and not touch it again after losing interest after the first few pages.
3. I love the library, but I hate to read books that I don't own. It feels like wearing someone else's underwear.
4. I don't let anyone else touch my books, except for my children or except for another reader like me. And I'm tempted to make them give me their driver's license or a $100 deposit in exchange for my book. I've lost too many books in the past from sorry-assed people who don't return them. Or if they do, the pages are bent, and the book jacket is torn. Losers.

5. I am a grammar nazi. I cringe when I see the daily rape and sodomy of the English language that is so common on the internet and on TV. I love slang and profanity, but the constant use of "your" instead of "you're" makes my blood boil. The same goes for "it's" and "its". It's not rocket science.
6. I have homeschooled my children.
7. I am 6 feet and 3/4 inches tall.
8. I wear a size 12 shoe. In case you hadn't seen that already in another post.
9. I am 1/4 American Indian. Maybe this is why I have insanely flat feet, but it doesn't explain why I have narrow feet. I though the RedMan was supposed to have wide feet. Who the hell knows?
10. I have the palest skin (next to Michael Jackson). Again, a surprise considering that as a child, I looked almost like an Indian kid you see on the cover of National Geographic during "How We Screwed Over The Indians" Appreciation Month.

11. I have scoliosis. I've had surgery for it 2 years ago, but I developed it at age 14. I'd be about 6'3" with a straight spine. But I have almost 2 feet of steel in my back.
12. I'm fused from T'4 to L'4.
13. I don't set off metal detectors. Well, the metal in my back doesn't. You're usually almost naked going through the things now....anyway....having to see other people's feet at an airport....eewwww.
14. Yes, I'm self-conscious about my feet. And I don't like looking at other people's feet either. Driving down the freeway seeing someone with their feet on the dash is just gross to me. Don't they have any dignity?
15. I'm a manners freak too. I'd rather eat with dogs than a person who can't chew with his mouth closed. An adult who has mastered the basics of putting the napkin in the lap, using a knife and fork, NOT SLURPING, not gulping, and just simply eating like a civilized human being is on the endangered list. Don't even get me started on kids.

16. I've been vegan before. It didn't stick. Completely respect the whole thing though.
17. I LOVE to cook.
18. I LOVE to bake.
19. I think cream of mushroom soup should be illegal to manufacture, sell, purchase, or consume.
20. The same goes for Velveeta or Cheez Whiz.
21. And Lipton Onion Soup Mix.
22. I think people would be less fat if they cared more about what they put into their bodies. Me and all of my self-righteousness just shoved 1/4 of a pack of Snickers Minis into my piehole just before I wrote this. But other days I do much better.

23. I think hitting children is horribly and terribly wrong. No ifs, ands, or buts.
24. I don't have any grey hair. Could it be that my 1/2 Indian mother didn't go grey until she was almost 50?
25. I have bunions that make me look 80. I'm considering surgery for them. One hurts like hell.
26. I play the piano.
27. I used to teach piano lessons. Loved the kids--hated the parents.
28. I've been a substitute teacher.
29. I can make chocolate souffle. It's not hard.
30. I've had to wipe dried, crunchy shit from my cat's asshole to keep him from dragging his ass on my carpet. Too bad he can't use the flushable wipes himself, right?

31. I've never done drugs. I don't judge people who have.
32. I think marijuana should be legalized. Regardless of the reason for its use.
33. I stopped speaking to my mother over a year ago.
34. I was adopted. That's the mother I mean. Not the 1/2 Indian one.
35. I have discovered that I am one of the few adopted kids to have been abused by adoptive parents. Put up for adoption by a young single mother who thought she was doing the right thing and thrown to the wolves.
36. I was raised Southern Baptist.
37. I'm an atheist.
38. I'm divorced and remarried.
39. I hate and avoid approximately 50 or more foods. So someone cooking for me is a lesson in humility for them. That's why I don't recommend it. They also tend to bitch at me about it. I can't help it. I have too many taste buds, and I'm too much of a wimp to burn them off with a torch.

40. I boycott Walmart and have for a few years now.
41. I have a raging problem with migraines and take a buttload of meds for it.
42. I also have asthma.
43. My oldest daughter wants to be a plastic surgeon.
44. My middle daughter wants to be an ob-gyn.
45. My youngest daughter wants to be an attorney.
46. My children fart at the dinner table. So much for manners, right?
47. My middle and younger children belch louder than men.
48. The cat has about 25 names. One of them is Shi'thead. Another is Fishstick.
49. My husband thinks that farting is cool. Around his friends. At work. At a government science lab.
50. I am a dog person, but I have grown quite fond of the hairy, fat ball of laziness that curls up next to me at night because he's jealous of the attention I might be giving to my husband, the person he's come to think of as his litter-mate. Of course, this just means I'm the mommy to something else that eats, pisses, and shits. Oh, joy.

So How Do You Know If You're A Good Mother?

2007-11-23T10:10:00.000-08:00

How do you know if you're a good or bad mother? There are no universal rules. Each culture makes up its own guidelines for what's acceptable behavior and what isn't. But really, we are blasted with media images of products and services and told what the "best" things are for our children. We have tons of magazines to read and tons of books that offer differing opinions on everything from "should you let your baby cry it out?" to "which breast pump is best?".

Honestly I have to wonder if comparing ourselves to others as mothers doesn't have something to do with how most of us were brought up. Consider that most of us have looked around (since childhood) and noticed the prettier and more well-liked girls in school. And we wanted so much to be like them. And we were always told that they were the "ideal", and that anything else was "less desirable". Of course, if you were like me and were the tallest and smartest in the class (but still pretty), you still didn't fit in because the other kids thought you were a big freak. So you still wanted to be just like the others who were shorter, but it never happened.

So as adults we still look at ourselves and wonder how we compare to the others around us. Except now we compare ourselves to our peers in areas such as income, house (beauty, size, and location), car(s), and of course, our offspring. And there are some of us who even shrink to the back of the room because our children don't make us look good compared to the "perfect" parents. Maybe it's because our children don't eat steamed asparagas and brown rice for their 3 o'clock snack. Maybe our children weren't speaking in paragraphs when they were 18 months old. And maybe, just maybe, we take the occasional trip through the McDonald's drive thru.

Now, in all reality, I don't believe in "perfect parenting". I don't believe there are guidelines that, if followed perfectly, will guarantee that your child will never "suffer from" ADHD, obesity, bad manners, and mediocre test scores.

Of course, should you need a little reassurance that you are, in fact, a good mother, I will provide a list that you can read to remind yourself that you have bred responsibly.

Signs You're a Good Mama:

1. You do not give your cherubs any of the following from a baby bottle: Coke (or any other soda), Kool Aid (yes Virginia, the Great Value brand still counts), Tea (sweet, unsweet, doesn't matter). You couldn't wait for the day you could put soda in his sippy cup to see the look on his face when he tried it.

2. You do not smoke around your children. In the house, in the car, or anywhere they can be exposed to the tons of toxic chemicals you are breathing in and out. When Junior was older (say two or three), he learned to hold his breath when he was around you. You did tell him to run and play in the yard while mommy had her breathing treatment.

3. You always fasten your children into their carseats or booster seats each and every time you drive them in the car. Of course you considered leaving them in there overnight several times, but reconsidered it when you thought they might start screaming and alert the neighbors.

4. You always feed you children nutritious foods. Their food comes from the four food groups: Sweet, Salty, Fried, and Chocolate.

5. Your children have healthy sleep habits. Even if they had to develop them with a little liquid Benadryl.

And of course, you should always remember this little tidbit when you're feeling down about yourself as a mother:

A good mother lets her kids lick the beaters. A great mother turns off the mixer first.

The "Evil" Formula

2007-11-23T07:30:00.000-08:00

I'm one of those lactivists. I admit it. I'm a "boob nazi". Breastfeeding worked well for me, and I had no problems with it. Neither did my children. They were healthy, blah, blah, blah. We did the attachment parenting, blah, blah, blah. I even carried them in a baby sling. So as far as similarities with my fellow lactivists, I have some. Such as having a huge problem with people who have contempt for those who nurse past a year because they think it's "weird". I guess it's a situation of "don't take out your ignorance on me". It makes me CRAZY!

But where I differ from many of my fellow nursing nuts is my lack of disdain for formula-feeders. Sure, I do have a problem with people who won't give nursing the old "college try" if they're able. But this attitude that women are somehow less capable as mothers because breastfeeding didn't work as well for them? Total bullshit. Now most boob nazis will never admit this to a formula-feeding mom, but they will talk about it among themselves, behind her back. Trust me, I've been in the groups. They don't have a secret handshake or anything, but they do talk very bad about formula-feeders. Words like "poison" and "gross" and "I would never" get used frequently. It's that "holier than thou" attitude that makes them the object of contempt so often. Only they don't know it. They complain about discrimination, from which they do suffer. But they give as good as they get.

Now I realize that the world would be better off if more babies were breastfed. And breastfed for at least one year. Sounds great. It would possibly lower rates of reproductive cancers and osteoporosis in mothers. It could lower rates of diabetes, allergies, asthma, obesity, etc. in children. Breastfeeding does not, however raise IQ. That study was so flawed, I'm shocked that it was allowed to even be published.

But artificial feeding methods have their place. What about the mother that survived breast cancer and was able to conceive and give birth? And the mother who has a mental illness that is well-controlled by medication that under no circumstances can be taken while breastfeeding? And what about the mother who had a traumatic delivery (or pregnancy) whose body is so worn out and exhausted that if required to perform one more function, might just collapse and break into a thousand pieces? There's support for you if you breastfeed, but should you switch to formula, you go off the radar. No one wants to look at you anymore.

As recent as one hundred years ago, babies didn't have a chance if their mothers couldn't feed them at the breast. But we live in a modern society where we do have alternatives, and our babies don't die from not drinking their mothers' milk, despite what some lactivists may tell you. While I don't believe in overusing our alternatives, they do have their place. And mothers should not be made to feel inadequate if they need to rely on them.

Besides, a woman isn't a "better mother" if she does everything "perfectly" and still criticizes another mother for making a choice that's different from hers. All this catfighting is ridiculous. You would think it was junior high all over again. Only this time, instead of fighting over who has the best clothes and boyfriend, we fight over who has the best-fed baby. And who got it out the "best" way.

IT NEEDS TO STOP!!!

Being Tall is a Disability

2007-11-18T22:17:00.000-08:00

I'm glad to see that you knocked up gals can find some cute clothes to wear. It was a little easier on me back in '98, but in 1994, I had TWO outfits to wear the entire nine months.

You see, I'm not like most girls. I'm seven feet tall. That's right. A full 72.75 inches. And while that height makes it very easy for me to reach everything on the top shelves in my cabinets (and even the stuff on the tops of my cabinets), it made me have a bitch of a time finding preggo clothes. I swear that Motherhood Maternity store thinks everyone of their customers is a little bitty Audrey Hepburn who pops out a tiny little 7 lb baby that she carried in a neat little rounded lump that barely protruded from her teeny tiny abdomen.

And I know that you'll tell me, "But wait, you grouchy Amazon! They have Tall stuff there too!" Well let me set you straight on that one, dearest pie. Their tall stuff might fit the tall gal until she's about five or six months in "the family way", but she'll be poppin' buttons off it before too long because of one simple fact: tall women don't have teeny tiny baby bellies. Cuz tall women don't have teeny tiny babies.

And forget about Japanese Weekend (Do they still have that brand?). Imagine Ahh-nuld wearing a pair of Danny DeVito's trousers. Got the picture?

And nursing bras never had straps that were long enough. Sure they would go around the chest, but since a tall gal is tall everywhere, those straps never were quite long enough to go from the back, over the shoulder, and to the top of the boob. So lots of tugging was necessary. The regular bras could be adjusted for this, but the nursing bras never had enough slack. Hello! I'm a tall woman. My boobs are not growing out of my neck!

Fortunately for me, my feet didn't swell during pregnancy. Since I wear a size 12, there is no going up a shoe size. Try going into a shoe store and telling them you need the cute slingback in a 12. First they look at you like, "You don't look like you've just had a sex-change operation?!?" Then they look at you with pity and tell you they don't carry anything "larger" than a size 10. Hell, I wore a size 10 in the 6TH GRADE!!! So it's either off to the Payless to buy shoes that are too wide for my hideously flat, narrow feet. Shoes that will hurt like hell and make my back hurt even more. Or it's shopping online for everything (which I do) and pay twice what everyone else does, because there's almost never a sale. And the shipping costs are high because, after all, have you ever weighed a pair of size 12 leather mules? I mean, the things look like 2 international shipping barges that have come to dock under my jeans!

So I'm glad you gals today have choices and don't have to wear shapeless, ballooned stuff that I did. And if any of you are tall, I hope to gawd that you have more to choose from.

And if any of you are foolish enough to wish that you were tall, I hope you reconsider. Think of the muscle spasms I get every time I wash my dishes because my countertops are too low for me. Consider that I nearly have to lie on the floor to get something out of the fridge. And loading the dishwasher is hell! And of course, the stupid comments are what I could do without the most.

But this is my lot in life I guess. It comes in handy if I want to intimidate someone, which is usually never. And I don't gain weight as easily. And it takes a larger weight gain on me to be noticeable to anyone else. So I try to see the few advantages.

But in reality, I'm much smaller on the inside.

Yep, She's a Racist

2007-11-18T21:03:00.000-08:00

I could talk all day about my husband's mother. Suffice it to say for now that she's truly an evil woman. But what bothers me most today is her racism. She lives in some awful backwoods town in Mississippi where I'm sure they would still lynch people if they could get away with it. AND people still boast about their previous involvement with the KKK.

She's a 6th grade teacher in a private Catholic school now, but she had previously taught in the public schools. Her classes had mostly African-American children in them. Now, keep in mind that I stopped speaking to the shrew almost two years ago, but I heard her complaints about the children through her son when she called.

Now this is a woman who actually used the word "ni**er" in front of me. Just like she was telling me what time it was. She had not a care in the world when she said it, until she saw the look of sheer horror on my face. This was almost 3 years ago when I actually let the bitch into my house. I told her that not only was she not to ever say something like that in my house, but that if she ever said that in front of my children, she would never see them again. Fortunately, she's only their step-grandmother. Their real grandmother is ten times worse!!! But they never see her. (By the way, their real grandmother looks like Harry Dean Stanton!)

Anyway, MIL loves to talk about the awards she has won from being such a great teacher. I think it's because they don't have a lot to choose from there in Deliverance land. After all, if you were a teacher of integrity, would you choose to live in PigShit, Mississippi? Sure, there might possibly be some good teachers there, but giving an award to a teacher who refers to her students as "dumb ni**ers" must mean you're scraping the bottom of the barrel. Especially when the former Superintendent of the schools is MIL's brother-in-law. And she talked like that in front of him! My hubby told me how she would go on and on about all of the things the little kids would do that would bother her. Honestly it sounded more like normal childhood behavior. You know, I think teachers are supposed to take developmental psychology in college, but I guess she doesn't remember any of it. Or maybe when she went to college she thought there was supposed to be a developmental psych for "whites" and developmental psych for "coloreds."

But I think the real kicker was when she referred to something one of the children had done as "ni**er shit." She said that to me over the phone. This was after my warning when she had been at my house. She told me in her trademark patronizing voice, "Oh I forgot Michelle, you don't like hearin' that, do you?"

That complaint to the State Board of Education is on its way. Anonymously, of course. Well, after I let a few prominent members of the local black community know that they had a female version of David Duke in a local classroom who's now hiding out in a private school.

If this seems severe, you'll see why I'm so hell-bent on revenge later. But for the sake of the children she's been so mean to......nothing would be too severe. I only wish I had done something sooner.

The Family Bed

2007-11-16T05:59:00.000-08:00

I have a confession. I let my children sleep with me. In my bed. While I was in it.

I know this is a controversial issue that has parents and doctors and child development experts at each others' throats, but ultimately, I did what I thought was best for my child. And I followed all of the rules regarding safety. No fluffy bedding or pillows. No medications or alcohol that would impair my judgment. And I didn't put the child in between my husband and me.

And I have to say that everyone in the house slept like babies. Breastfeeding was easier, and some nights after she was a few months older, I wouldn't even completely wake up because she would be able to nurse at night without "disturbing" me too much. I would know this because I wouldn't have soaked the bed from leaking boobs.

Now again, I'm not trying to push my way of thinking onto other parents because what worked for me may not work for them. Seriously, what worked for my second child failed miserably for my third. By four months of age, I had to put that kicking, squirming little beast into a crib. For both of our sakes. We kept each other up! And my first child went into a crib at nine months old. But the second child never slept in one.

And "studies" you read about the bed-sharing issue almost always have a bias. They take all parents who sleep with their kids and lump them together. Even the parents who are high or drunk. They group them with the parents who bed-share correctly and safely. So of course, there will be a "SIDS" rate. Even though it wasn't SIDS, but a mother who suffocated her child because she was cranked up or drunk. What they fail to mention is that babies in cribs die from SIDS too. And that sleeping next to a parent is a very good way of "prompting" a baby with breathing difficulties to breathe.

But I think my favorite argument against bed-sharing is the one that tells parents that their child will "need them too much" if they don't sleep alone. They won't become independent if they don't learn to self-soothe. Baloney. What's the kid supposed to do? Go out and get a job? Of course babies are supposed to need their parents! What's so wrong with wanting mom or dad to hold you or lie next to you while you drift off to sleep? Letting her know that sleepy land is a safe place to be while being nursed and rocked is what builds security and independence, not dependence. When a child has a need, and it's met consistently, then it goes away. When a child has a need, and he is taught that this need is wrong and that he should meet his needs himself, then he will soothe himself to sleep alright.

And later on he will soothe his other physical and psychological needs with drugs, alcohol, sex, and you name it. It's just a little hypothesis of mine, but I've seen it happen in too many kids that were babies when mine were to dismiss it. Their parents made fun of me for being attentive and not letting my children "cry it out". And now their kids are distant from them and are having behavior problems and discipline problems in school. And my little devils, though sweet, will come to me and talk about everything. Even things I have absolutely NO desire to hear about. But I take it as a good sign that they trust me. And that they will continue to do so because I've been available to them.

And it started when they were babies.

Another Woman Chastised for Breastfeeding

2007-11-12T09:26:00.000-08:00

http://www.wesh.com/news/14497600/detail.html

This stupid mess needs to stop. This time it was at Universal Studios in Florida. Don't these people understand that they see more cleavage on a woman in a sundress than they do from a woman nursing her child? You don't hear a public outcry of rage over the protruding pushpin nipples on the mannequins at Victoria's Secretions do you?

Oh, I just want to slap every stinking one of them. I'm glad these mothers are standing up to these morons who are asking them to leave because they are "offending the other customers".

I guess the law means nothing in those states. I know literacy doesn't. Isn't it funny that the most "infractions" happen in the Southern states? In the parts of the country where the citizens are the fattest and the dumbest, a mother who is trying to nourish her baby is "offending people".

I guess she should have been feeding her wee baby a leg of fried chicken instead.

Introduction

2007-11-12T08:56:00.000-08:00

Oh the hot topics that come up in the game of mothering. Breastfeeding, circumcision, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, etc. Some women feel that they can't speak their minds without looking foolish. They think someone else has a better way of doing something, so they stay quiet and keep the peace. Or they blurt out or post some poorly researched opinion that does make them look foolish.

Well, I'm here to tell you that it takes guts, or more accurately, balls, to stand up and speak your mind without using the words "I'm sorry, but..." before uttering a meekly spoken opinion. And it takes doing your research before making the rest of your sex look stupid in the process.