The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List

This is copied from www.secular-homeschooling.com.

I couldn't have said any of this better myself.


The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List


By Deborah Markus, from Secular Homeschooling, Issue #1, Fall 2007


1 Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is — and it is — it's insulting to imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?

2 Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.

3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.

4 Don't assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.

5 If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a "reality" show, the above goes double.

6 Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You're probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you've ever heard. We all hate you, so please go away.

7 We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we're doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.

8 Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.

9 Stop assuming that if we're religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.

10 We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.

11 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn't have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don't need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child to school.

12 If my kid's only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he'd learn in school, please understand that you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.

13 Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in "homeschool," we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it's crowded and icky.

14 Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.

15 Stop asking, "But what about the Prom?" Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to school don't get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I'm one of them. I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.

16 Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.

17 Stop saying, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you're horrified. One of these days, I won't bother disagreeing with you any more.

18 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can't, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.

19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.

20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

21 Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she's homeschooled.

22 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.

23 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.

24 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't get because they don't go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.

25 Here's a thought: If you can't say something nice about homeschooling, shut up!

Contents © 2007-2008 Deborah Markus

How To Ruin Someone's Wedding (Part One)

In 2004 I got married for the second time to my boyfriend of several years. We had planned a small but tasteful wedding that included our families and closest friends. You would think that this would have made things simple, and that it should have lessened the likelihood of it becoming a day I'd like to forget. But that was not the case.

We live in the South, which means that usually Momma and Daddy not only pay for nearly everything, but that they also make and influence most of the arrangements. Since we were 32 and 31, this was not necessary nor desired. I actually did not want a wedding, but hubs felt that he was "entitled" to one since he had not been married before. I'm one of those odd women who thinks that weddings are for foolish little girls who never grew up and let go of the fairy princess fantasies. Hubs also thought that his relatives were "entitled" to a wedding, which I thought was the dumbest thing I ever heard. I didn't give a crap what they thought, and if they wanted a wedding, they could go and plan one, pay for it, and leave me out of it.

But this was not to be the case. I was not going to get my wish of simply going to a judge, saying "I do" and signing on the dotted line. Even though we had a small wedding, we still spent several thousand dollars that I think could have been used elsewhere. Like a trip to Germany or something. Or some mutual funds.

So I told him that if he was forcing me to suffer through a wedding, he would pay for it, and it would be tasteful. No pre-recorded music and no cheese cube and chicken wing reception. I wanted a string quartet, and he wanted a stereo playing music. I told him he could find someone else to marry because I would leave him at the alter if I didn't get live music. And he not only laughed at my idea for hiring a harpist, but he told his friends who then called me and said they thought it was stupid. Dickheads. These are also people who think that keeping one's BMI under 30 is a waste of time.

So we hired a classical guitarist. I ordered one of his CDs, and he was amazing. If only he hadn't shown up almost an hour late for the ceremony, I wouldn't have been so pissed off at him. But our guests were impressed because they were accustomed to piano and organ church music or.....are you ready for this one?........taped music. Barf.

I actually started to become a little less antagonistic about the whole situation because I thought that making him happy might somehow make me happy. The man bought me a house for chrissakes. So I lost the shitty attitude and started to show a little faked excitement.

Unfortunately his family and mine started a cascade of events that started to make my life a small living hell. For one, they couldn't accept that all they needed to do was to show up. The fact that we didn't need them to pick out anything or to give advice was something they didn't handle well. They also hated that we weren't doing things in any sort of "traditional" way. We weren't getting married in a church (which pissed off my parents). And we weren't having tables of food with little sandwiches on trays and toothpaste-flavored mints in bowls. His mother didn't like that because it meant that her friends couldn't display some kind of dolls or silk flower arrangement that was "meaningful" to someone we didn't even know. She kept asking me how the tables would be decorated. I told her that I had already picked out centerpieces for them that were all the same because people would be sitting there to eat. She looked at me like I had taken a dump on myself.

You see, in the South, a seated dinner reception is a rare thing. Most of the time, at even the most formal weddings, food is served "buffet style," and people simply sit or stand around trying to hold a plate, glass, and fork. This was the last thing I wanted because I always thought it was tacky to make one's guests sit in a chair with a plate on their laps. I also didn't want any paper napkins (which are common) with our names printed on them.

But the real kicker was that, after almost 5 years of dating, hubs' mother had never met my children. She lived 1.5 hours away from us, but not once did this woman ever try to meet them, even after we got engaged. The night before the wedding (at the dinner) she tried to cover up for this fact when, in front of a room full of people, she saw the children for the first time. She told them she had seen them before, and of course they said, "No you haven't!" There were lots of stares and funny looks on the faces of the other people as if they were thinking, "You're just now meeting them the day before the wedding?" I have to admit that I got a sense of satisfaction from that.

This is the same woman who refused to meet me for the first two years that hubs and I were dating because I was divorced with children. I guess she forgot that she had also been a divorced mother herself. Even after she did meet me, she kept trying to get him to dump me, even after I thought she was getting on board with me being a part of his life. But of course, I never really trusted her. She acted like my best friend right after we met, and several months later when I saw her again, she tried to "outclass" me. She actually said, "Have you ever been around so many high-caliber people before?" And I told her that all my friends down at the Kentucky Fried Chicken owned high-caliber firearms, and did that count?

I have to stop for now, or I will need blood pressure medication.

Looks Like I'm Not the Only One Who Thinks This

This article from the New York Times is a clear and ominous view of the pitiful state of brains of the average American. But being dumb isn't bad, is it? Shouldn't we "respect" everyone's opinion? Isn't that the common belief in this sad, dumbed down culture of ours?

Books
Dumb and Dumber: Are Americans Hostile to Knowledge?
By PATRICIA COHEN
Published: February 14, 2008
Susan Jacoby's new book bemoans the state of American culture. Not only are citizens ignorant about essential knowledge, she says, but they also don’t think it matters.


http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/14/books/14dumb.html?ex=1360731600&en=9b835f267a3ba9fa&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

My Take on the Environment

I try to conserve when I can. I buy more than a few products that are considered to be "earth-friendly." But it's not because I have let one-square-per-wipe-Sheryl Crow or any other person try to scare me into believing that the world will end because the earth is supposedly one degree hotter than it was 100 years ago when people were shitting in outhouses.

I have chronic obstructive bronchitis that developed from asthma. My children also have asthma. Spraying Lemon Pledge in the same room as my eyeballs and nostrils will elicit an allergy and coughing attack that only ends by a trip to the emergency room. Bleach is another chemical that I don't handle well, so I avoid it when I can. I don't accuse people of being evil earth-haters if they buy it. In large amounts, the stuff is harmful, but in small amounts, it makes our water safe to drink (chlorine).

I prefer a more common sense approach to the issue of being "earth-friendly." And it is strictly for common sense reasons so that you are not a wasteful twat:

1. Don't use more than you need.
2. Don't buy another one when you can fix the one you have (if it's worth it).
3. And buying bottled water is about the dumbest thing that any intelligent person can do. I don't like the chlorine taste either, but I put a filter on my faucet to take care of that problem.
4. Combine your errands so that you don't use up as much fuel. It saves money, honey. Think of what you could do and the financial goals you could reach by doing this.
5. And quit freakin' going to Starbucks every goddamned day. The amount of time people sit in traffic waiting for the bulk of cars at the intersection of Starbucks and Loser Street makes people waste gas from idling. And what happened to people who know how to make coffee-flavored coffee that isn't over-roasted at home?

I could list several more things, and many of them also save money, and I find it interesting that people don't think of how they can conserve in a way that will help build a nest egg or donate to their favorite charity. Nope. It's all about suckling at the teat of the State that they think "cares" about what happens to them. The same political and economic system that wants them to think that they aren't capable of making changes themselves, and that money must be taken from them to institute policy.

The funny thing is that our consumption has increased in the desire to be "earth-friendly." It's definitely the right of a company to market their biodegradable or recycled products, but when people buy more to become pseudo-environmentalists, you can tell that they've turned into brainless robots that are slaves to popular opinion and fear-tactics. And the recycling process isn't exactly earth-friendly either.

And for those who need for something in life to "have meaning," reusing plastic bags and not flushing for just pee may give them that psychological boost they need to keep themselves off Zoloft, but it's not the moral high-road. Especially when they make fun of the religious nuts (yes, I admit that it's fun to do) and then in the same breath start bellyaching about how we all need to "do more" to keep ourselves from burning up. Doesn't this sound familiar? Do this, do that, think this, think that, or you're gonna BURN, BITCH!!! Oh, but we don't want to be thrown into the same group as the wretched religious kooks.

But when the need for Jesus has been replaced with the need (or demand) for everyone to reduce, reuse, and recycle, and to be afraid of what will happen if we don't--then it starts to sound like just another kind of religion has taken the place of the risen saviour.

It's not proselytizing. It's the environment. Right?

Science in the Era of Agenda

Environmentalism: the new death cult?

http://commentisfree.guardian.co.uk/brendan_oneill/2007/07/environmentalism_the_new_death_cult.html

Political/Social Test

You are a Social Liberal (63% permissive) and an... Economic Conservative (86% permissive) You are best described as a: Capitalist (86e/63s) Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

The Dumbing Down of Society

The older I get, the less tolerant I get of ignorance, apathy, and just plain stupidity. I look around and see adults who can't speak in complete sentences and kids who follow in their footsteps, unable to comprehend complex thoughts. Well, not that those dumb adults are able to formulate complex thoughts, but many kids today have no ability to discern what information is accurate from what is completely useless. Ask a teenager the names of Britney's white trash kids, and he or she will tell you, but I'll wager that the same kid wouldn't be able to find Laos or Armenia on a globe for $100. But those of us who comment on this are called obnoxious or are told that our standards are "too high". Or that we have "too much time on our hands if we worry about this kind of stuff."

I remember a time not too many years ago when it was considered "normal" and expected to be well-rounded and well-read. There were certain books that everyone would have read in high school, and the college-educated would have had exposure to much more. But even the high school graduate would have been able to construct a simple essay and would have known how to make a simple noun plural instead of blindly adding an apostrophe. Actually a second-grader would have mastered the latter, but I find that adults who think they are intelligent can't even make a word such as "horse" plural without writing "horse's". And we wonder why our kids don't do well in school and why their scores on standardized tests aren't up to snuff. Well, when their own parents are functionally illiterate, what can we expect?

We live in a world where many spend more time defending their religious beliefs than they spend feeding their intellect. Ask any of your friends what the last book was that they read, and many of them will say that they haven't read anything since college (or worse, high school). The readers are the exception, not the rule. And of the readers, how many of them have read something from the nonfiction rack? Biographies? Economics? International Finance? Russian History? How many women read books about subjects besides "my husband is such a bastard, and I have an itchy twat and raging PMS"? I'm still looking to meet some in my area, but the wide net I've cast hasn't caught anything I haven't had to throw back. Life is too short to spend any significant amount of time around stupid people, I say. Well, unless you're showing them where the mop is.

I realize this makes me sound like an incredible ass, but I really hate to see what is happening to the heart and "soul" of society. After all, if people are letting Oprah influence their vote for President, then what hope do we have as a human race? When did we get to be so lazy and so dim-witted that we let a TV personality tell us what we "wanted" before we decided for ourselves? But I guess in a society where Dr. Phil (a narcissistic hack) gets credit for making profound and life-changing statements, then what can we expect? Blaming the media for this is a cop-out too. If we weren't so stupid, then it wouldn't influence us in this way. We could just shrug it off and not let it make a difference. But since we weren't using our brains to begin with, it was pretty easy for us to follow the path into celebrity influence, media-worship, and trend-following.

I sincerely believe that we are approaching a twenty-first century "middle ages". I'm not sure what it will take to bring us out of it, but I'm guessing it will get much worse before it gets better. The religious powers-that-be impede scientific progress, the masses are hopelessly stupid, and trade with Asia is a competitive sport for everyone. The only difference is that now we have no excuses for our weaknesses.

After all, it's not like we're bloodletting and shitting in chamberpots. But we might as well be.